Even Combined Star Power Can’t Redeem ‘Place Beyond the Pines’

If you ride like lightning, you’re gonna crash like thunder.

-Robin Van Der Zee

Make no mistake, the trailers for ‘Pines’ are wholly misleading. That said I was still able to adjust on the fly, as the film takes a few thematically jarring turns in the second half.  Ryan Gosling plays nomadic carnie/motorcycle stuntman Luke Glanton who attempts to rekindle a romance with Romina (Eva Mendes) after discovering that their one night stand produced an infant son, despite her involvement with Kofi (Mahershala Ali), who we learn is a much more stable partner and father. With little opportunity and the guidance of former bank robber Robin Van Der Zee (Ben Mendelsohn), Glanton turns to bank robbery, a small subplot which takes far too much of the film’s running time.

MOVIE REVUE: Perky and Uplifting!

 

What is a recipe for disaster? A second-time director (this almost does not even count, as the last film was an independent project), screenwriting and directing the film version of a book written over 13 years ago. To be perfectly blunt, the idea of walking into this kind of film is scary. Add in the fact that the story is revolves around the awkward phase of high school? Find out after the jump if this film is such a disaster…

MOVIE REVUE: Don’t Judge This Movie by its Dredd-ful Past

 

In 1995, the movie audience was introduced to the comic book character who is judge, jury, and executioner rolled into one. Judge Dredd is a no-nonsense lawman who believed worship the law. For the big screen adaptation, Sylvester Stallone took on the titular role and turned Dredd into a laugh stock for moviegoers and abomination for the Dredd-heads. This time, Karl Urban makes his rounds in Mega City One. Will this new Dredd finally bring justice to its franchise or rack up new charges? Judge Rogers will the findings of Dredd 3D.

MOVIE REVUE – The Dark Knight Rises

I’ll likely remain in the minority here, so let’s just get it out in the open first thing: I thought The Dark Knight Rises was a better overall film than its predecessor The Dark Knight. That’s not a diss to the second film; I thought it was good, just not the return of the cinematic messiah. That said, Rises is not perfect either, but I was able to dig it more and appreciated the thematic callback to Batman Begins. This third chapter is a bit jumbled at times but for all intents and purposes definitely closes out Nolan’s trilogy.

MOVIE REVUE – The (Not So) Amazing Spider-Man

The fanboy engines sure have been revving for exaltation since the ultra awful Spider Man 3 hit theatres in 2007. There were so many problems that simply could not be forgiven, a fault of studio interference more so than the personal failings of Sam Raimi, whose trilogy always felt heavily flawed to me, despite good intentions. Now five years later the reboot task is up to relative newbie Marc Webb, whose lone previous film credit is the indie romantic 500 Days of Summer. Now I have not seen that, but by all accounts it is supposed to be quite good. Perhaps not surprisingly, the best things about this latest Spider-Man are indeed the more intimate character moments between Peter Parker and Gwen Stacy. That said, I’ll try not to let my own experiences with the characters (I dabbled in the comics, action figures and awesome ‘90s cartoon) taint my review, and keep any comparisons strictly to the other films.

MOVIE REVUE: They’ve Got the Magic Flick

Girrrllll…

I seriously considered that being my entire review, because that accurately sums up my reaction to this beautiful example of cinematic genius. There may be a legal battle brewing between Channing Tatum and his former stripper buddies over the idea, but I do not care whose idea it was. All that matters is that this idea was executed. A strip club experience without the cover charge, expensive drinks, or some stranger’s genitals being anywhere near your face? Yes, please!

MOVIE REVUE: My John Carter Can Beat Up Your John Carter

Director Andrew Stanton helps put Pixar on the map in the mid-nineties. He has made a couple of successful animated Disney films about a love story between two robots and a father who goes through the entire Pacific Ocean to find his young clownfish. You may have heard of them. For his first live-action feature, he has taken a classic novel by Edgar Rice Burroughs and churned a $250 million epic fail. John Carter, an adaptation of the 1917 novel by Edgar Rice Burroughs, A Princess of Mars, should have stay lying dead on the red planet.

MOVIE REVUE: The Vow is Guaranteed to Move You

People have not had enough of silly love songs or silly love films – cinemas trot out the trite tales every February to the delight of lovebirds and all the single ladies determined to have a happy Valentine’s Day with their girlfriends. Judging from the trailer, The Vow is the latest installment in the growing lineup of cheesy romantic comedies. With stars from The Notebook and Dear John and a premise similar to 50 First Dates, this film seems like it should have been imagined by Nicholas Sparks rather than inspired by a couple who actually survived the central trauma. Surprisingly and fortunately, Vow is not quite predictable or superficial enough to join the ranks of Katherine Heigl’s hits. Instead, The Vow delicately handles a tragic situation and teaches the audience that in order to love whom you are meant to love, you have to be who you are meant to be.

MOVIE REVUE: Bad Kitty!

I told myself I wouldn’t. I promised that I would rise above the hype and not pay attention to those shiny saucer eyes or the hilarious paw-over-mouth surprise as a kitten says, “Ohhhh…” But it was number one in the box office for two weekends in a row, and I love cats and kiddie movies. So I caved anyway and saw Puss in Boots, the latest animated “kids” movie from DreamWorks Animation (DWA). Now not only do I think I’m a liar, but I’m convinced that I should never get a cat or see any other animated films in 2011.

MOVIE REVUE – One Hell of a Drive

 

Drive plays out like it was filmed in the wrong decade. It is a love letter of sorts to a genre of yesteryear echoing earlier films of McQueen and Eastwood. Even the opening credits scrawl flashes by in 80s-esque hot pink that transport you back to a time that relied on practical effects, coherent plots with an emphasis on performance over disorienting cuts meant to muddle the action. Essentially, Drive is the anti-Michael Bay movie, a giant middle finger to the lazy and generic directorial style (McG and Shawn Levy, I’m looking at you) that routinely flood the multiplexes with the same triteness each weekend.